We'd had a long day of testing and procedures. At 8am I was at the connected children's hospital for a fetal heart echo. They wanted a cardiologist to look at the boys' hearts because Twin to Twin Transfer Syndrome can cause heart failure, backwards blood flow, and other problems.
It was a two hour long ultrasound on a rather uncomfortable table. I was squirming by the end of it and all the pressing on my belly was causing cramps.
After that test, I went to see the Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) specialist. There, the boys got an anatomy scan and we weighed the pros and cons of an amnio reduction. Baby B, Cameron, had too much fluid and his heart had abnormalities which told them he was feeling the stress of dealing with all of the extra fluid. Since the laser surgery was off the table now, an amnio reduction was the only thing we could do for them.
The benefits I was most interested in was that some of the pressure would be relieved and blood flow in the placenta would be improved. Also, relieving some of the pressure might keep me from going into labor so easily. As it were, I would have contractions just from brushing my teeth. This wasn't a fix, just a bandaid that would hopefully keep them in there longer.
The con, it could bring on labor. And the doctor explained that if they were born now, the odds weren't with them. Labor would be a 1-2% change.
Of course we could simply monitor them and if they stayed in, they could wait until they were so sick that they were better off out than in. That day, they were better off in.
Nick and I discussed things and chose to do the amnio reduction. We knew the risks of doing nothing and the babies did not fair well. We both were of the mind that if we lost them, we couldn't live with ourselves if we'd done nothing.
The doctor removed over a gallon of fluid from Cameron's sac and he still had plenty to spare. I had minimal cramping, less than what the ultrasounds caused. I felt better and the doctor sent me back to my room.
Then they called us back to do a biophysical profile of the boys. It was basically another ultrasound. By the time this was done, it was about 5pm. I had endured about 6 hours of ultrasounds that day, each of them causing me to cramp.
Just before 7pm, things changed. It felt as though a fist was squeezing my insides with purpose. It wasn't painful, but it wasn't like the cramps I'd been having. Three minutes later, I felt another. Three minutes after that, another.
I called the nurse.
She gave me a sheet of paper and a pencil. I was to draw hash marks for every contraction I felt and they would determine how many per hour I was having. Thirty minutes later, I had drawn nine hash marks and the contractions were getting stronger. I had suddenly, without warning, without any slow gradual increase, leapt into having 15-20 contractions per hour.
The nurse put me on the monitor which meant she and one other nurse had to sit and hold the monitor over my babies.
Their pushing on my belly with the monitors only made the contractions worse which had now added cramping to my misery. They handed me a button to push with each contraction.
"This is worse than when I originally got here," I said to the nurse. They paged the doctor.
I kept pushing the button with each squeeze I felt. I couldn't see how I could be having these types of contractions and not be dilating.
Word came back that the doctors were in the OR or tending to other emergencies, but they'd be down as soon as they could. It wasn't the answer I wanted. Just hang the magnesium. Give me the pills that stopped this before. I couldn't have my babies now. It was too soon! Too soon!
I labored for two hours before a doctor was finally free. I had lost complete control of my body. I laid on the bed, shaking uncontrollably from pain and the anxiety of being in labor at only 25 weeks gestation. I had gone from 2.5cm to 5cm dilation. No, no, no! My nightmare was continuing. Labor was progressing. My little boys! I couldn't lose them. I'd lost two babies before these two boys. I couldn't go through this again. How would I find the strength?
The doctor decided to transfer me back to labor and delivery where I would be started on magnesium and other drugs to stop labor. But their rooms were full so I had to wait.
Meanwhile, my contractions kept getting stronger, more frequent, until they finally seemed to run together.
"This contraction won't stop," I complained, gripping the bed rails with white knuckles. They reassured that they were working on a room for me.
"I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here," my nurse said to me.
I was already experiencing pain I'd never felt before, then suddenly it ratcheted to an entirely new level. The pressure was intense. I hadn't taken any birthing classes yet. I had no idea how to deal with the pain and pressure, but I knew exactly what it meant. I clamped my knees together knowing what was coming.
"I feel like I need to push," I said through unshed tears.
"Like you need to have a bowel movement," the nurse asked.
"Yes!" I punched the plastic bed rails over and over to distract myself from the pain, from the overwhelming pressure. Please, stop. Not yet babies, it's too soon!
"Don't push," a chorus of nurses said to me.
"I know," I ground through my teeth.
The nurse caught the eye of another nurse. "Lets just take her over," she said in a decision that likely saved my babies.
The contractions were relentless. I held my knees together, fighting with every fiber to not push. I punched the bed rails, I cried out, anything to keep those babies in. The pressure though. Oh God the pressure.
The doctor checked me again. Holding babies in while the doctor checked my cervix was a feat equal to lifting cars off of children. Everyone in the room quietly waited for the doctor's next orders. "Okay," she said to me. "You're going to have this baby vaginally."
I looked at Nick as I hugged the bed rail. A tear slipped out, "It's too soon." Too soon.
The doctor barked orders. "Call anesthesia! Get her to the OR!" It was a whirl wind of controlled chaos, but all I could focus on was not letting Wyatt come out yet. It could kill him.
With her hand still inside of me, pushing Wyatt back, she apologized for how crazy things seemed. With one hand she put on a mask. She straddled my legs as she rode on the bed with me to the OR.
Masks flying, equipment and carts wheeled about. NICU's readiness was confirmed. Somehow I managed to crawl onto the operating table without birthing Wyatt during the transfer. As I laid down on the table, I felt my water break.
Before I could contemplate that, an anesthesiologist was over me. I was breathing like I was sprinting towards a finish line. He clapped a mask over my face which seemed to pinch my nose closed, suffocating me. I wrenched it off immediately. "It's oxygen! It's good for the babies," he said and slapped it back on. For the babies, was all I needed to hear and I held it in place for him.
Lots of things happened in what seemed like an instant. And ultrasound, an IV placed, none of which I was aware of. I was simply straining to keep my body from pushing Wyatt out. I was losing the battle, but I'd fight to the bitter end. Not yet Wyatt. Not until they are ready to help you, sweet boy.
"She's obviously uncomfortable. I'm going to have her push," the doctor announced over a conversation about the IV.
A nurse appeared over me. "Push...like you're having a bowel movement. Curl your body around that baby and push."
That I did.
"Whoa! Not so fast!"
Two pushes and I hear, "We have a baby and he's trying to breathe. Lara, he's trying to cry!"
I couldn't hear his little voice, but that he was alive was enough to celebrate. He wasn't even far enough along that he should be trying to breathe. By some miracle though, he was.
I didn't even see Wyatt. NICU quickly whisked him away. Saving his life was more important than me taking a precious moment from him to see him. Besides, Cameron was next in line.
"Baby B is transverse. Prep for c-section!" Cameron was laying sideways across my cervix and couldn't come out that way.
"Take some deep breaths," the anesthesiologist said to me. At that point, I completely gave in. Things were out of my control. One baby was here, the other soon after. At that point, I really wanted to just run away from everything, something the anesthesia would give me.
It seemed to take forever for the gas to work. And it would be gas, not an epidural. They didn't have time for anything else.
He showed an assistant or nurse, maybe a resident or student, I'm not sure which, where to press on my throat to prevent me from aspirating when they put me under. I slapped his hand away and rather than argue with me, he waited until the gas did its job.
Ten minutes after Wyatt was born, Cameron came into the world. At 9:17 pm, Wyatt was born. By 9:27pm, they had me knocked out, cut open and delivered Cameron.
While I was in a tornado of activity, Nick had been dressed in scrubs and put in the recovery room. Initially, they were going to have him there. But things were moving too fast and too much was going on. It was okay because saving the babies lives was the most important. We can look at them later, if they survive.
A nurse would come in to update him and even took pictures of the boys. But during all of this, Nick mostly stared at a wall. All he could do was hope, pray, everyone would be okay.
Slowly the anesthesia haze lifted and I came to. Unfortunately, the anesthesia wears off faster than the pain meds kick in and I found myself in as much pain as when I was in labor.
Nick says I was nice about it though. I would wave my hand over my stomach as if I were casting a magic spell and give a pitiful sounding, "Hurts." I would learn later that having a c-section after a vaginal delivery is about as painful as it gets.
They connected the dilaudid pump plus a few other pain meds. I struggled to keep my eyes forward as we got updates from the NICU, from doctors, from social workers. The boys were still hanging in there.
My night was not done though. As soon as I was concious, they began "uterine massage". Every hour, someone would come in to press on my stomach to help get the uterus to shrink back down and clamp off any bleeding. Ugh!
After I had recovered, they wheeled me back towards the OB floor. But we made one important stop at the NICU and I met my two precious boys.
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